I recently contributed a bead to the community mala project –

108 Beads. 1 Mala. Connecting the world.

We are creating a set of community mala beads. One bead from each person – people of all walks of life and from all around the world.

Here is a touching entry from Heidi Howes on why she contributed a skull bead.

If you would like to contribute a bead and your story please contact us at info@lovetinydevotions.com 

Namaste xx

The reason I have chosen the skull bead is because I developed a particular fascination with the skull’s meaning and spent a year meditating on this symbol after a near-death experience in childbirth.

Despite pop culture’s use of the skull, I have come to regard it as a gateway to enlightenment.  I wore a wooden skull mala on my wrist during the year I meditated on this symbol and one morning as I played with my toddler on the wood floor, sun streaming in through the window, I glanced down at the mala and chills ran through my body.  I teared up thinking of my daughter and this precious moment, the impermanent yet perfect moment.

The meditation on impermanence reminds us to be wholly in the moment, to notice the sunshine and the ever changing beauty of this world.  Also, and sometimes more importantly, this symbol reminds us in times of darkness to be aware that “this too shall pass.”  In pain and suffering, we need to remember that it is not permanent and that relief will come again.  We can breathe through it and know that it will soon be over.

After the year was finished, I decided to tattoo the mala on my wrist as a constant reminder.  I have to chuckle every time I see a black t-shirt with a skull and crossbones on it, because it inevitably brings me right back to the moment, grateful and alive.

Reviews are flowing here:  

 Ashland, WI Daily Press

The Temeculan

The Ashland Current

The Columbus Music Review

remembering to hold on to your tiny words,

pulsing between my daydreams of pressing thoughts

and the image of your silly faces

in the rearview mirror.  You make me laugh,

sing along sweetly to the radio, tell me a story

about how Winnie the Pooh dies and then goes to jail.

I am supposed to drive, steer, pay attention to the road

stay between the yellow lines,

and make enough money to fill this damn tank–

not to mention all those dishes in the sink at home.

I try to fit it all into this drive to school, so afraid to lose or fail,

and when we arrive, when you flit from the car

and float, fairy-like, to the curb

you are not looking forward,

only into this moment, the blossomed petals on the concrete.

Your eyes sparkle up towards mine and quick as a wink you

wave your hand into the pile of  ivory petals, fling them into the air

so they drift in the breeze and swirl back to the ground.

My heart rips open like a seed

who knows spring is here, right now,

and we are her daughters.

Music In the Round is an annual event to raise money for Flying Horse Farm. It’s a great event: an unplugged-style musicians’ round, where three very talented artists take turns writing songs and sharing stories behind them.

FLYING HORSE FARMS helps extremely sick kids have the experience of a lifetime.
Watch the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3QgDFGh9gc

TICKETS ARE ONLY $25, and all proceeds go directly to FHF.
It’s at the Columbus Maennerchor and I hear they have cheap drinks

IF YOU CAN’T GO, consider buying tickets for a friend or client.
IF YOU ARE ALREADY GOING, invite more people!

TICKETS ARE AVAILABLE AT WWW.MUSICINTHEROUND.COM

Have a great week and I hope to see you Saturday!

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you kept shouting
their bad advice–
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late enough,
and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world, determined to do
the only thing you could do–
determined to save
the only life you could save.

~Mary Oliver

I am super pleased to be partnering with the awesome mamas over at the  My Mommy Manual community.  As a practicing yogi of over ten years myself, I am really excited to be a part of this project and have contributed exclusive previews of three songs from my soon-to-be released album, MotherSongs.  Please take a look at what they have put together, it is fabulous — I have already gotten to do many of the lessons myself as a tester, and I am amazed at the content! 

For details on how to pre-order my new album, MotherSongs, scheduled for a May 2010 release, please go HERE .  Here’s the awesome cover art, done by my soul sistah, Lisa Kattenbraker. (thanks, Lisa!)

I want to give you hope. 

I want to speak to you from my deepest heart buried beneath the numbness, the horror, the despair of this wretched monster we call PPD.  I want you to know that you are not, and never will be, alone.  (I know it feels like you are because we are all silenced out here, drowning, but we are here and we need you, your voice, too.) 

You think you are being overtaken by this beast, your greatest foe, but in reality she is yours to conquer, yours to embrace, yours to overcome, and ultimately, yours to ride like the mightiest of dragons.  Maybe your dragon is pink.  Imagine her, imagine her being yours, and you the master of your own destiny, riding into your wildest dreams of health and peace, stronger, better, you.

I know.  It’s so f#*king hard.

I know because in 2006 I gave birth to my second child, and 8 weeks later the world was a ride I wanted to get off.  My mind wouldn’t stop churning, sleep eluded me, and though I knew love was a language I had once spoken with ease, now it was forgotten.  I drifted slowly, then suddenly, into psychosis.  I dreamed I was kidnapped, locked in a dark trunk, suffocating and screaming for my life. 

A week later that dream came true. I was catatonic, and went to the hospital for 7 days.

After all this, I remember a good friend taking me by the shoulders, on my front porch, looking in my eyes with compassion and love.  She said with gravity and rock solid conviction:  You are going to get through this and you are going to rock the world when you do.  We are going to have a party, a “Heidi-conquered-the-world-party”, and the whole world will be invited and will cheer for you.  You’ll see, you are gonna beat this and change the world.

I didn’t believe her.  She had no idea.  I had no hope.  How could she know that?  What did she know about this awful state of mind that robs you of your ability to feel, to love, to care, to focus, to sleep, to be kind, to be yourself? 

 I never forgot that moment.

(By the way, she was right.)

Don’t forget.  You are gonna beat this.  You are.

And when you do, I want you to climb on your pink dragon and scream to the world that you survived, and ride on, ride on, ride on!!!

Sending you All my ferocious love,

Heidi Howes

You can download the absolutely FREE e-book here.

Also, I was completely jumping up and down when I saw that my poem was FIRST!  Not that it means anything, of course, but I am still giddy.

YAY!

Meditation is old and honorable, so why should I
not sit, every morning of my life, on the hillside,
looking into the shining world? Because, properly
attended to, delight, as well as havoc, is suggestion.
Can one be passionate about the just, the
ideal, the sublime, and the holy, and yet commit
to no labor in its cause? I don’t think so.

All summations have a beginning, all effect has a
story, all kindness begins with the sown seed.
Thought buds toward radiance. The gospel of
light is the crossroads of— indolence, or action.

Be ignited, or be gone.

Even as we go through the ups and downs of life we need to lift our noses above the water level and smell the beautiful salty air.  Life can’t all be about survival or entertainment, we have to find our bliss within the quiet space of our interior voices.  I have been working to follow mine, and I was recently interviewed by the amazing Ria Sharon of the fabulous My Mommy Manual community.  When you get a chance, check it out and let me know your thoughts on that interview or share how you are following your bliss. 

In other news, The Musicians’ Assistant just listed a gig at Sonicbids, a website that helps bands connect with people who book or license music. The Sonicbids online community is made up of over 210,000 emerging artists and 19,000 promoters from over 100+ countries worldwide!   I’ve been working on this for a while now, and I am excited for this new adventure. 

I am a big fan of the blog Postpartum Progress , “the most widely-read blog in the U.S. on depression & anxiety during pregnancy & postpartum.”  Yesterday a post on the blog addressing the self-doubt that accompanies PPD really hit home for me.  Of course we all have our obstacles in this arena, but as the article points out, it can be devastatingly amplified for a mother living with PPD.  I have found this to be true for myself, and thank the stars for articles and websites like this that help those suffering in silence to find words for their pain.  Depression is widely misunderstood, and for those of us living with it, the misunderstandings and misperceptions of society as a whole (not to mention friends and family) can lead to even more isolation and inner turmoil.  Read the whole article here , it was a welcome revelation for me!  Please refer anyone you think may need it to Postpartum Progress today.

PRE-ORDER MOTHERSONGS TODAY!:

Here are some awesome ways you can pre-order the new CD, MotherSongs, get some beautiful music, and also help me fulfill this dream (crush my self-doubt and follow my bliss)! There are some other incentives as well:

You can order any of these options:

Everybody who pledges receives a download of the project when it is complete. Additional exclusives include:
1. CD -delivered to your mailbox as soon as it is manufactured $12
2. Signed CD -delivered to your mailbox as soon as I have a chance to sign them $15
3. Signed CD and new Book of Poetry to be released later this year $30
4. Your name in the credits -with a special thank you $50

5. A song about you-I will write a song just for you or someone you love $300
6. Executive producer credit -your name on the album as Executive Producer $500
7. House concert (anywhere in the world) -Your own personal concert, anywhere $1,000

Order NOW through PAYPAL: send me a “gift” through paypal to heidihowes@hotmail.com and specify what you would like to order from the list above

or

Send a Check or Money Order directly to me at 1427 Burnley Square N, Columbus, OH, 43229 and be sure to let me know what you would like.

or

Call me on the PHONE baby, and I can take your card over the phone, or we can just catch up. 715-209-0122

I have shifted the release date to May, so you can still order, and I need about $1000 more to hit my mark and finish the final touches.

Love, Love, LOVE to all of you,

Heidi