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The Dreaming Guard

January 31, 2010

There’s a bad-ass full moon, it’s the middle of the night, and I am ready to let go the dreaming guard.

All week I have been putting off opening my Mondo Beyondo list because I wanted to do it by myself, when I could sip tea at my altar and meditate and when it felt like the “right time”.

Truth is, I am scared as hell to open it.

See all this year I have been striving to trust in the power of dreams to show me the way in life, because I am f-ing lost. Nighttime dreams, recurring dreams, nightmares, dream stories, meditative dreams, daydreams — and now the big life dreams that we are exploring in Mondo Beyond class, the dreams about who I am and how I can best serve in the world with my own uniqueness, and most importantly to me right now, how I can feed my family.

I used to take dreaming for granted. I used to assume my dreams would come true and know that I could make it so, or that they would fall into my lap without much apparent effort on my part.

Yet, as life has turned into *LIFE* and I miraculously learned/earned the experience and gift of deep suffering, some parts of my dreaming spirit have been caged. Caged by poverty, depression, and the ensuing isolation those two things have brought into my experience. Caged by the thoughts that there is not enough of what I need to make my dreams come true.

When you lack resources, when your mind is ill and can’t see beyond darkness, it is that much harder to believe in dreams.

But this story has been told many times before. And I don’t (am trying not to) buy it.

Blessed are the poor for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. . . I may be poor right now, but I am not poor in spirit. Spirit is my mojo and I’ve got that waking me up in the middle of the night to read this list (my wildest and most mundane dreams all in one): insert abra cadabra

Mondo Beyondo 2010:

Live in Italy for a year and sing
Learn Italian
Have peace, Happiness, and Joy in my Heart
Help people heal
Write Books
Make the Movie
Be more psychic
Write a poem every day
Build an ashram or retreat center
Build a music/writing studio
Own a gorgeous and spacious home
Beat depression for good
Lose 50 pounds
Run a marathon
Get my yoga instructor certification
Visit Swamiji in Nepal
Find true joy
Be a great mom
Make enough money to GIVE LOTS
Visit my friends in Germany
Have my music featured in Roliing Stone
Get a book publishing deal
write songs every day
Be my own hero
Have a 3rd child (this one was written very small at the very end, as if uttered in a very small voice)

The dreaming guard has been let go and I have to remind myself: Be vulnerable, be brave, be flexible, be open, be trusting.

What are your wildest dreams? Do you have a mondo beyondo?

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. January 31, 2010 9:51 pm

    delicious, real, powerful and amazing. Thanks for the gift of you and the bravery to say the little voice things that whisper so quietly in the storm of life. love you,

  2. March 11, 2010 8:24 pm

    Lovely post – thanks for sharing!

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