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A little love goes a long way. . .

February 15, 2010

Just thought I would share that one of my poems was published in an awesome anthology from Kelly Diels of the Cleavage blog, one of my faves.

You can download the absolutely FREE e-book here.

Also, I was completely jumping up and down when I saw that my poem was FIRST!  Not that it means anything, of course, but I am still giddy.



What I Learned So Far

February 11, 2010

What I Learned So Far (by Mary Oliver)

Meditation is old and honorable, so why should I
not sit, every morning of my life, on the hillside,
looking into the shining world? Because, properly
attended to, delight, as well as havoc, is suggestion.
Can one be passionate about the just, the
ideal, the sublime, and the holy, and yet commit
to no labor in its cause? I don’t think so.

All summations have a beginning, all effect has a
story, all kindness begins with the sown seed.
Thought buds toward radiance. The gospel of
light is the crossroads of— indolence, or action.

Be ignited, or be gone.

How to Crush the Self-Doubt and Follow Your Bliss

February 11, 2010



Even as we go through the ups and downs of life we need to lift our noses above the water level and smell the beautiful salty air.  Life can’t all be about survival or entertainment, we have to find our bliss within the quiet space of our interior voices.  I have been working to follow mine, and I was recently interviewed by the amazing Ria Sharon of the fabulous My Mommy Manual community.  When you get a chance, check it out and let me know your thoughts on that interview or share how you are following your bliss. 

In other news, The Musicians’ Assistant just listed a gig at Sonicbids, a website that helps bands connect with people who book or license music. The Sonicbids online community is made up of over 210,000 emerging artists and 19,000 promoters from over 100+ countries worldwide!   I’ve been working on this for a while now, and I am excited for this new adventure. 

I am a big fan of the blog Postpartum Progress , “the most widely-read blog in the U.S. on depression & anxiety during pregnancy & postpartum.”  Yesterday a post on the blog addressing the self-doubt that accompanies PPD really hit home for me.  Of course we all have our obstacles in this arena, but as the article points out, it can be devastatingly amplified for a mother living with PPD.  I have found this to be true for myself, and thank the stars for articles and websites like this that help those suffering in silence to find words for their pain.  Depression is widely misunderstood, and for those of us living with it, the misunderstandings and misperceptions of society as a whole (not to mention friends and family) can lead to even more isolation and inner turmoil.  Read the whole article here , it was a welcome revelation for me!  Please refer anyone you think may need it to Postpartum Progress today.


Here are some awesome ways you can pre-order the new CD, MotherSongs, get some beautiful music, and also help me fulfill this dream (crush my self-doubt and follow my bliss)! There are some other incentives as well:

You can order any of these options:

Everybody who pledges receives a download of the project when it is complete. Additional exclusives include:
1. CD -delivered to your mailbox as soon as it is manufactured $12
2. Signed CD -delivered to your mailbox as soon as I have a chance to sign them $15
3. Signed CD and new Book of Poetry to be released later this year $30
4. Your name in the credits -with a special thank you $50

5. A song about you-I will write a song just for you or someone you love $300
6. Executive producer credit -your name on the album as Executive Producer $500
7. House concert (anywhere in the world) -Your own personal concert, anywhere $1,000

Order NOW through PAYPAL: send me a “gift” through paypal to and specify what you would like to order from the list above


Send a Check or Money Order directly to me at 1427 Burnley Square N, Columbus, OH, 43229 and be sure to let me know what you would like.


Call me on the PHONE baby, and I can take your card over the phone, or we can just catch up. 715-209-0122

I have shifted the release date to May, so you can still order, and I need about $1000 more to hit my mark and finish the final touches.

Love, Love, LOVE to all of you,


Lead with your Heart

February 6, 2010


Lead with your heart, you said
and I took it literally
like a manual
like the good girl that I am.

I plunged forth against the warnings
my heart like the red nose
of Rudolph, shining bright
into the darkest winds.

How they chapped and whipped
the exposed skin,
blued and grayed the young pink flesh.
See how the world has worn her to a stub,
the scar-bright flesh of her glaring
in the moonlight?

As I fly, harnessed to this gift-laden sleigh
with only the promise of your love–
the dutiful call to serve you–
pressing me on against all odds,
against all better judgement
this love doesn’t exist
this gift doesn’t exist
it is too perfect, too ugly
too real,
only ours to believe in.

The Dreaming Guard

January 31, 2010

There’s a bad-ass full moon, it’s the middle of the night, and I am ready to let go the dreaming guard.

All week I have been putting off opening my Mondo Beyondo list because I wanted to do it by myself, when I could sip tea at my altar and meditate and when it felt like the “right time”.

Truth is, I am scared as hell to open it.

See all this year I have been striving to trust in the power of dreams to show me the way in life, because I am f-ing lost. Nighttime dreams, recurring dreams, nightmares, dream stories, meditative dreams, daydreams — and now the big life dreams that we are exploring in Mondo Beyond class, the dreams about who I am and how I can best serve in the world with my own uniqueness, and most importantly to me right now, how I can feed my family.

I used to take dreaming for granted. I used to assume my dreams would come true and know that I could make it so, or that they would fall into my lap without much apparent effort on my part.

Yet, as life has turned into *LIFE* and I miraculously learned/earned the experience and gift of deep suffering, some parts of my dreaming spirit have been caged. Caged by poverty, depression, and the ensuing isolation those two things have brought into my experience. Caged by the thoughts that there is not enough of what I need to make my dreams come true.

When you lack resources, when your mind is ill and can’t see beyond darkness, it is that much harder to believe in dreams.

But this story has been told many times before. And I don’t (am trying not to) buy it.

Blessed are the poor for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. . . I may be poor right now, but I am not poor in spirit. Spirit is my mojo and I’ve got that waking me up in the middle of the night to read this list (my wildest and most mundane dreams all in one): insert abra cadabra

Mondo Beyondo 2010:

Live in Italy for a year and sing
Learn Italian
Have peace, Happiness, and Joy in my Heart
Help people heal
Write Books
Make the Movie
Be more psychic
Write a poem every day
Build an ashram or retreat center
Build a music/writing studio
Own a gorgeous and spacious home
Beat depression for good
Lose 50 pounds
Run a marathon
Get my yoga instructor certification
Visit Swamiji in Nepal
Find true joy
Be a great mom
Make enough money to GIVE LOTS
Visit my friends in Germany
Have my music featured in Roliing Stone
Get a book publishing deal
write songs every day
Be my own hero
Have a 3rd child (this one was written very small at the very end, as if uttered in a very small voice)

The dreaming guard has been let go and I have to remind myself: Be vulnerable, be brave, be flexible, be open, be trusting.

What are your wildest dreams? Do you have a mondo beyondo?

I believe in magic

January 30, 2010

What you are about to read is from November, 2008 — a journal entry I stumbled upon today that made me smile and reminded me that what I need comes in mysterious ways.

Here is a letter I wrote to the editor of the local newspaper today, I have never done that before! I hope it gets printed but if not, here it is.

Dear Editor and Community, November 23, 2008

I have lived here in the Bay area for most of my adult life, since I began attending Northland College in 1995. As a musician and music teacher I have met many people here and have a true love for the region’s community spirit and slow, simple pace.

About 3 weeks ago I received a surprising letter in the mail with no return address, no signature to identify the sender, and a Port Wing postmark. Folded inside the short letter were two $50 bills. The letter read:

“Dear Heidi, November 3, 2008

As a way of expressing our gratitude for a life filled with love, health, a beautiful environment, creativity, and every simple necessity, we’ve decided to begin indirectly supporting our community using the network of knowledge and compassion represented by people, like you, who have inspired us with their work, friendship, philanthropy, or spirit.

Thanks Heidi.”

When I got this letter in the mail, I was dumbfounded. Breathless. Delighted. Speechless. Giddy. Downright befuddled. And once again in awe of humanity! Such a sweet secret way of being told I have done something to inspire another and that they see me, my worth, my special something. Not to mention the glaring fact that just that day an urgent financial need had presented itself for which there seemed no apparent solution — until your timely letter came!

Thank you with all my heart to my anonymous supporters, whoever you are. You give me hope for miracles and lift my voice to share the beauty of your act. You remind me that amazing, wonderful things happen each day and go largely unnoticed. May all who read this receive the blessing of such a loving gift as well and pass it on!


Heidi Howes

My Secret Energy Sources (for those times when I forget).

January 17, 2010

Do you have something small, even silly perhaps, that is guaranteed to jump start your day or pull you out of a funk? I cited my list of natural energizers in the essay above. Set the timer for five minutes. Make a short list of small, micro-energizing activities that you’re always glad about after the fact. Hand write your list and post it somewhere you can see it every day. From Mondo Beyondo

Make coffee. Shower/Bathe. Call a dear friend. Read poetry. Journal. Pick up the guitar and sing. Write a song. Play piano. Listen to powerful music. Clean. Write a letter. Look at photos. Go outside. Breathe. Yoga. Make a gratitude list. Meditate. Metta. Bake something. Cook soup. Give. Love. Smile. Laugh with my children. Dance. Talk with my husband. Write.